Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Casino Security Officers REALLY think

I thought it would be nice to let you know what all Security Officers are thinking when you waste our time with your bullshit answer/questions. A Security Officer main job is to Observe, Report, and Deter crime. Unofficially, an Officers job is to answer questions that come upon them from civilians. We all realize visitors lose 75% of their IQ points once arriving in Las Vegas, but its still no excuse for losing Common Sense. What you bastards need to do is read once in awhile. You do have smart phones, don't you? Use your damn phone once in awhile instead of playing Candy Crush all the goddamn time.

Below are some questions every Officer hear from the general public;

Question: Where is hotel check in?

Answer: Turn to your left. The front desk for check in is right there.

REAL THOUGHT:  Are you fucking blind? Look to your left. The damn front desk is right there.
Question:  Where is the bathroom?

Answer: Right behind you.

REAL THOUGHT: You're an idiot. You walked right past it. You need to go to the bathroom so bad that you can't look up from your fucking cell to see you're standing right next to it. Behind you you dumb bitch. And, put your shoes on.
Question: Could you help me with my bags?

Answer: Sure.

REAL THOUGHT: Do I look like a fucking Doorman to you? I am not a Bell person. I'm not Valet. I'm not the fucking Doorman. Go to the front desk if you need that shit.
Question: Who won the Golden State game? (Cleveland game? Red Sox? Steelers?)

Answer: I don't know sir. If you go to our Sportsbook area you can find out there on the TV's.

REAL THOUGHT: How the fuck would I know? Is it because I'm black, I'm supposed to know every goddamn game score in the country? Fuck you man. Go look it up yo damn self.
Question: Where can I catch a cab?

Answer: If you go back to the Main entrance. It's outside on your left.

REAL THOUGHT: Remember where the cab dropped you off in front of the hotel? The same damn place. Shit ain't change.
 Question: Do you have the time?

Answer: Yes. It is 2:47.

REAL THOUGHT: You fucking kidding me. Look at yo damn phone. All that damn texting and you can't see the time. Fuck me.
Now For Something Completely Different.
On any given night (mostly weekends), all Security must check guests Room Keys before anyone up to the Hotel rooms. If a person refuses to show the key, we must call Dispatch to alert them that a possible non-guest is going to the room floors. 

In most cases, we're correct that they are up to no good. Here is one such instance;
Security: May I see your Room Key please?

Guest: Why the fuck you need to see my room key? 

Security: Per Hotel management. This is for the safety and protection of our guests who are staying at the hotel.

Guest: I've been here for 4 days and this is the first time anybody ever ask me for my room key.
REAL THOUGHT: Just show me your goddamn room key and get the fuck outta my face. 

KEEPING IT REAL THOUGHT: Holy fuck! Is that an impossible request? You know what, don't show me. When the next crazed homeless person or pimp or drunk hoe comes around. I'll personally give them your room number so they can go to your room and fuck you up. Then, when you call Security. We ain't coming. So fuck you, and your husband...bitch! Welcome to Las Vegas.

I hope you enjoyed this little bit of reading about my real life experiences as a Security Officer in a Las Vegas casino. After Super Bowl 51, I'll more than likely have more beautiful stories for you to read.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Welcome Mandalay Bay Las Vegas

BEST news ever in Las Vegas! It is about damn time. NO MORE should Security Officers be a victim of work abuse, disrespect, being underpaid, penalize for taken sick leave, getting fired for doing your job wrong, and for doing your job. Security Officers STAND UP and TALK HARD.

Welcome Mandalay Bay Las Vegas